With 5 stores in greater Cleveland, finding a Rascal House is easy as pie. But what if a Rascal House opened at the top of Mount Everest? Keep in mind it would take you 40 days to reach us. We could only imagine what your journal entries might look like…
We arrived at base camp bright and early. I still can’t believe I’m here. I’ve trained absolutely zero days for this. People have spent years trying to tackle this hill. Real athletes with something to prove. But I have a good excuse. Pepperoni Extreme BellyBuster. 16 slices of top-of-the-world-goodness-piled-high-with-aged-pepperoni-on-a-bed-of-provolone-cheese. It’s the most pepperoniest pizza around.
Today we were given ropes, helmets, harnesses, boots, crampons, ice axes, belays, pulleys, maps, compasses, sunscreen, lip balm, goggles, headlamps, fire starters, first aid kits, tents, watches and binoculars. We were also introduced to a team of Himalayan people renowned for their mountain climbing skills. They’re called Sherpas. In addition to carrying our equipment, they will be hauling fresh toppings, vegetables, cheeses, and other quality food products to the top of the hill. When I asked them what they thought of having a Rascal House on top of Mount Everest, they showed off their Rascal House shirts. I have never seen a group of more determined people in my life.
Last night I prayed for an avalanche. An avalanche of golden delicious waffle fries we had to eat our way out of.
One of the other climbers is wearing a white, red and black jacket. The same colors of the Rascal House logo. I’m beginning to see positive omens. This 29,029 ft climb is my vision quest and St. Elmo’s Fire rolled into a Rascal House Fresh Market Wrap. Which one will consume my every waking thought today? Roman? BLT? Veggie? Chicken?
Sometimes I wonder if I’m closer to Cleveland or to the top of this cursed hill. I can’t get a good signal, so there goes online ordering. I’m getting antsy. One of the other climbers is going to let me sleep with his Rascal House menu tonight.
I slept like a baby last night. Visions of family-sized pasta danced in my head. Today I will pretend my Ready-To-Eat is a heaping bowl of Rascal House spaghetti and meatballs with thick, hearty marinara sauce.
I haven’t written in two weeks. Every minute I spend writing notes is less time making it up this miserable hill. Rascal House cries out for me. Or is it the other way around? One thing’s for sure: only a fool would stay too long in one place…frozen, with little more than wishful thoughts and a grumbling belly.
We reached the top! We started with Scrumptious Munchies (Honey Mustard Buffalo Wings are the bee’s knees) before moving on to 7 different kinds of Garden Fresh Salads. Then we ate more than a dozen Original Pan Pizzas and Specialty Pizzas before moving on to the pastas. We were making up for lost time! We worked our way through the Seriously Substantial Overstuffed Subs and Sandwiches like a herd of hungry-hungry hippos. There is so much food here. If I don’t make it back, tell the world my story. And while you’re at it, try the Garlic Sesame Breadsticks, available at all 5 Rascal House stores in Cleveland. I can’t think of a better way to honor me. Maybe some Wing Dippers. If you’re from Cleveland, you know what I’m talking about.