Let’s Talk March Madness

March 17th, 2019 by Rascal M

I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again. Rascal House and March Madness go together like Ham & Cheese. The NCAA Tournament is here. Some of you will have your brackets busted before you finish reading this story. But there’s more to the Big Dance than winning an office pool. For instance, looking like you know what you’re talking about when you’re hanging around the water cooler the next several weeks. Below is a list of March Madness terms you may find useful.

Selection Sunday: The day basketball fans pore over their Rascal House menus to determine how much food to order for the first party. Usually takes place after the 68 teams are selected in March, but the most passionate fans start planning back in December, usually before Christmas.  

Brackets: This is where it gets interesting. There are more than 68 items on the Rascal House menu. But that doesn’t stop people from filling out homemade brackets. Buffalo vs Boneless. Pepperoni Extreme vs Rascal House Deluxe. Rascal Burger vs Rascal Chicken Sandwich. Sometimes you just have to ask yourself, what would Dick Vitale do?

Bracket Buster: Er…Belly Buster. Darn auto-correct! A Belly Buster is 16 slices of slam-dunk double-overtime down-to-the-final-shot deliciousness topped with meats, veggies, cheeses and our game-winning Rascal House sauce. Whew, someone get me a Coke!

One and Done: When someone says “I’ll just take one slice of Rascal House pizza before I go.” Preposterous! One and done – that’s a good one!

The Big Dance: A spontaneous reaction to seeing a Rascal House car in your driveway. Followed by your living room becoming the dance floor on Saturday Night Fever. Accompanied by a DJ playing “You Should be Dancing” by the Bee Gees. Followed by your friends clapping and forming a circle around you. That’s right, hot shot! You’re Tony “Don’t Touch the Hair!” Manero. You’re the one who turned your NCAA Tournament party into the mother of all NCAA Tournament parties by placing the order. Dance away, my friend. Dance away. Just hurry up and finish because the game’s about to start!  

Cinderella: A “Cinderella” emerges when your evil stepsisters are downtown at the ball while you’re stuck in the burbs in front of a TV with your smartphone and a Rascal House menu. ALONE AT LAST! You’re not into glass slippers and Prince Charming anyway. Watching college basketball and eating Rascal House food is what your life’s all about. It’s good to be Cinderella!

Sweet 16: When only 16 of the 68 Jumbo Cookies you ordered from Rascal House on Selection Sunday remain. You planned on eating one every time a team got eliminated, hoping to savor the last bite for when the champions are crowned. But these are Rascal House Jumbo Cookies we’re talking about. They don’t call them “Gone Before Halftime” for nothing!

Final Four: When 5 people have eaten their way through both sides of the Rascal House menu during triple-overtime and all that remain are 4 Buffalo Wings dripping in Honey Mustard. That’s 5 people, 4 Buffalo Wings dripping in Honey Mustard. Rock-paper-scissors, anyone?

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