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One of my favorite things about college basketball is seeing how far fans are willing to go in order to distract opposing teams from making free throws. We all remember the Duke Speedo Guy, for better or for worse, from 2003. And Arizona State’s “Curtain of Distraction” in recent years has taken the game to a whole new level. Fans love their teams and can get downright crafty when it comes to letting the enemy shoot free throws.
Back in college, this would’ve been 1986, we had a friend named Tony who saw every pick-up game ever played on any playground or gym in Cleveland. From the Stella Walsh Recreation Center in Slavic Village to Ben Franklin Elementary in Old Brooklyn. From someone’s Tiki-lit backyard in Collinwood to St. John Cantius in Tremont. He even saw a 12 ½-hour game of H-O-R-S-E end in a 6-way tie in Hough. “There’s too much talent, nobody ever misses!” said Tony after oversleeping for his Deductive Logic class the morning after. That’s when he came up with the most profound idea he ever came up with: Eating Rascal House food to thwart someone’s ability to make baskets. Back then Tony was nicknamed Rascal #2. I was Rascal #1 because I held the record for most BellyBusters eaten in a single day (4) but that’s neither here nor there. Tony was on to something big and I wasn’t about to stand in his way.
When Tony took the 76 bus to the Stella Walsh Recreation Center the following weekend, he brought 10 succulent Rascal House buffalo wings dripping in honey mustard and sat where the opposing team would shoot free throws. 14 seconds after tipoff the whistle blew and a guy named 100% came to the line. They called him 100% because he only missed one free throw in 1,000 career attempts and 100% just sounded better than 99. Tony opened the bag. The wondrous scent that accompanies an opened bag of Rascal House buffalo wings dripping in honey mustard wafted from the bag and landed on the tip of 100%’s nose. The can’t-miss free throw shooter was stymied, stunned and smitten like a cartoon character batting his eyes at a new love. He could not take his usual dribble before shooting his free throw without the ball hitting his foot and bouncing all over the place. So, 100% was told to just skip his dribble and shoot. And that’s what he was doing when he saw Tony holding one of the Rascal House buffalo wings dripping in honey mustard. His first free throw fell 4 feet short. 100% shook it off, took a deep breath and tried to focus. Tony brought another Rascal House buffalo wing dripping in honey mustard to his lips. This time, 100% threw up a free throw that fell 8 feet short. An opposing player took the ball down court and scored while 100% lunged at Tony. Then all the players and everyone in the stands ran after Tony who was now running north on Broadway toward his dorm in Viking Hall at Cleveland State, clutching for dear life his bag of 8 remaining Rascal House buffalo wings dripping in honey mustard. Long story short, a 76 heading the same way eventually came by and Tony and all of his pursuers got on and landed at Rascal House where they all ate buffalo wings and became best friends forever.
Make March Madness madder with buffalo wings, pizza and seriously substantial overstuffed subs and sandwiches from Rascal House. Then share on Twitter or Instagram using #RascalHouse, or post on our Facebook page!
