They say hamburgers are supposed to take you to your happy place. Which is kind of redundant because I’m already at Rascal House getting ready to bite into a Rascal Burger. I guess I can pretend I’m at my 2nd-most happy place. But that’s my hometown, Cleveland. And Cleveland is the birthplace of Rascal House, which is where I am right now getting ready to bite into a Rascal Burger. Of course, there’s always my 3rd-favorite happy place. That’s at home in bed dreaming about Rascal Burgers. But why would I want to dream about Racal Burgers when I’m already here holding the real thing? It’s begging me to shut up and take a bite already. I’m begging me to shut up and take a bite already! But it’s hard because I can’t stop talking about Rascal Burgers once I start talking about Rascal Burgers. It’s 100% pure beef. It weighs like a gazillion pounds. And it’s on a toasted bun with lettuce, tomato, onion, pickle and mayo. A burger this big and juicy should be in the Hamburger Hall of Fame. But that would only give me another happy place, and I have too many happy places as it is.
…Which reminds me! Last week I was eating a Rascal Burger. Next thing I know I’m in Pamplona running with the bulls. Just as I’m losing steam and about to get trampled, I take another bite. Suddenly Bruce Springsteen’s running next to me singing “Born to Run” and I’m like, “Hey, aren’t you the Boss?” And he says, “No, you’re eating a Rascal Burger, you’re the Boss! Now get going before you get run over, Boss!” He heads back to New Jersey and I sprint like Carl Lewis toward Cleveland and my beloved Rascal House. But the bulls are bearing down on me as I reach the Atlantic. They’re after my Rascal Burger, which is kind of weird when you stop and think about it. But I don’t stop and think about it. I keep eating my Rascal Burger and run faster and faster. I lose the bulls somewhere between Pittsburgh and Youngstown, and I make it back to my happy place in one piece. Now if you’ll excuse me, I got places to go, people to see…
It’s National Hamburger Day. Eat a Rascal Burger, go to your happy place. Then tell about it on Twitter or Instagram using #RascalHouse, or post on our Facebook page!
